College Admission Essay as Written by the kid From Flight of the Navigator

Below is an excerpt from David Freeman’s college essay, written six years after his ordeal aboard an alien spacecraft, as chronicled in Walt Disney’s Flight of the Navigator.

5) Describe your most challenging experience in your life…

I’m sure you get a lot of these essays that are the same thing over and over again. “My parents divorced when I was young” or “I was in a car accident” or “My best friend died.” Cry me a river. I traveled through time when I was 12 years old.

You read that right. I traveled through time. Let me take you back. (pun intended)

I was at home and my mom told me to go to the neighbor’s house to pick up my little brother, Jeff. Jeff was eight years old at the time and a bit of a punk ass bitch, if you ask me. I didn’t get along with him very well but I knew my mom would be pissed if I didn’t go bring him home.

Through the woods I trekked to the neighbor’s house. Now, bear in mind, this was 1978, and parents didn’t give a flying fuck what their kids did. There was no fear about kids getting lost in the woods or some crazy child molester kidnapping them. There were no rules or guidelines as it related to raising your child.

As I was saying, I was walking through the woods to get my bitch-bro and I don’t know whether I tripped or was startled by a nearby train or what, but the next thing I knew I was coming out of consciousness after falling into a little ravine. Thinking my mom was going to be pissed that I was “dicking around” in the woods, I ran home as quick as I could.

When I arrived home, I couldn’t get inside the house. So I knocked at the door. Now check this shit out – a different family answered!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????

I’m all like, “I live here, dude!” and they’re like, “Uh, no, you don’t!”

Naturally, I freaked and went to the police to straighten this shit out. While there, the police ran my fingerprints. They were all like, “Your parents reported you missing. They’re on their way.” I was totally relieved. I don’t know why my parents decided to pack up and move while I was out getting my brother, but that was a conversation I would have with my family over a couple beers and pizza some day.

When my family arrived, they looked like shit. Let’s be honest. It looked like my mom’s face had gone through the blender because there were a shit-ton of wrinkles on that face. My dad too. He was all gray-haired and balding. But my brother, Jeff? HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Talk about a fucking growth spurt! This dude looked like he was 16 years old!

I must have had the infamous “Tha fuck is going on?” look on my face because my family was like, “You’ve been missing for eight years.”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????

I thought they were joking at first but then NASA starts questioning me about where I’ve been for eight years and why I didn’t age. It’s right about now where I start thinking that I must have taken a pretty nasty spill in the woods earlier.

NASA eventually takes me to one of their super-secret facilities to run some more tests. While there, I get this strange calling from this voice inside of me. I follow the voice and get closer to a large hanger that houses a giant-super-large SPACESHIP!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????

So these NASA guys have been trying to get inside this spaceship to no avail, but I come walking along and BAM, the spaceship door opens up. I climb aboard the ship and get the hell out of there.

This is what I looked like aboard an alien spaceship.
This is what I looked like aboard an alien spaceship.

While aboard the spaceship, I thought I should get up and check this place out. I was 12 years old at the time and naturally, I was inclined to walk around the spaceship and stick my dirty little nose wherever the fuck I felt like. Through my endless snooping, I stumbled upon the spaceship’s artificial intelligence, who was taking great exception to my snooping. His name was Max and although we had a bit of a rocky exchange when he was welcoming me on his ship, we eventually hit it off.

Max was pretty cool. He took me to all these places on Earth nearly instantaneously. We went above the Earth in space, in the ocean, and I even think we went to Tokyo or some shit like that (it may have been Kansas). But all this exotic travel aside, I knew I had to stop dicking around and start figuring out how to get back to MY time.

I hooked back up with my family, because even though they were all decrepit-looking, they were still family. I found them and they were super supportive. They hid me from the police and NASA while they tried to figure out a way to get me back to my time. Eventually, I was like, “Hold the phone, bitches! Maybe that spaceship knows how to take me back!”

So I went and had a little chat with Max. I was like, “Max… you gotta take me back to ’78, hommie.” And Max was like, “Sorry bro, that’s super dangerous. What I did to you was sort of an accident, and I’m super sars about that, but you’re gonna have to live here, in 1986, as a 12-year-old.” To which I responded, “Eeeerrr! Try again, bitch! You take me back to 1978 or I will disable your warp drive so fast you’ll wish you would have sprang for the Corrilian Crystal Drive upgrade back on Phazon 7!”

I was pulling that shit out of my ass a little bit, but it seemed to work, because Max was like, “Okay buddy, strap in!” My family said their goodbyes because, frankly, who wants a 12-year-old running around the house again. That phase of their life was over and mom and dad just wanted to be left alone. So they were really happy to get rid of me.

Max was right in that the human body is not capable for withstanding the insane speeds necessary to travel through time, because I quickly passed out. When I came to, I found myself in the exact same ravine I fell in a few days prior. I rushed home to find my mom, dad, and Jeff waiting for me in the boat, about to shoot off some fireworks for the Fourth of July.

When I was reunited with my family, I hugged them all and told them all that I loved them… even Jeff. They had no idea what I had just been through.

— David Freeman

Published by TV's John Hansen

I love power metal. I like writing and telling stories. I like trying to make people laugh. I like making myself laugh more. I like pizza too. I also like writing stories about making pizza laugh.

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