Yelp Review: Whiting LASIK Clinic

I came to get my vision corrected…
…I left with so much more.

Overall, I was very pleased with my experience. I just wish I were better prepared for the great responsibilities that came with becoming a superhero. Let me explain:

9/22/14
Today was my initial free consultation. The staff was very helpful and answered all of my questions, even though they covered most of them during the consultation. I was so impressed that I scheduled my surgery on the spot.

10/3/14
My surgery was this morning at 7:45am. I was out and on my way home by 9am. I felt great discomfort immediately following the surgery. It felt like sand was in my eyes and I could not open my eyelids without a steady stream of tears coming down my face. I went to sleep immediately upon getting home and felt well enough to get up and walk around by 1pm.

10/4/14
24 hours removed from my surgery and I feel great. Although I would not have recommended the surgery to anyone in the minutes following it, I can now say that it was completely worth it.

10/10/14

This is what Cyclops looks like.

This is what Cyclops looks like.

It’s been a week since my surgery. My eyes feel fine but I’ve been having some incredibly vivid and graphic nightmares. It’s always the same thing: I encounter someone in a dangerous situation and in my anger, I blast the villain with a deadly laser beam that shoots out of my eyeballs – just like Cyclops of the X-Men. But as this is happening, I feel like I’ve seen this before, or that I’ve done this very thing before. It’s a Déjà vu within a dream.

10/17/14
The nightmares have continued and only intensified. The same thing happens in every dream: I see what is about to happen, what is about to take place, and then it happens right in front of me – with me and everyone else involved acting and reacting precisely as they had in my precognitive visions.

10/21/14
I am quite terrified as I write this, but last night I had one of my precog nightmares, but this time, nothing happened. I saw the pre-vision, but it didn’t immediately come true. My precognitive dream vision was about an argument between two people, one male and one female. They appeared to be linked romantically. In my vision, the male was yelling at the female about spending too much money on herself and that the effort she was putting in weren’t doing her any favors. This causes the female to cry and makes the male even angrier. In the vision, I intervene by politely asking to back off. This makes the male focus his anger on me. After pushing me twice and telling me to “mind [my] own fucking business,” I felt this rush of anger come over me. As this was happening, my eyes felt like they were on fire, to the point where I could barely see out of them. When I calmed down, I noticed other bystanders screaming and running away and the perpetrator in front of me was down on the ground, completely knocked out. His clothes were smoldering and burn marks were all over his chest – AND THAT IS ALL I REMEMBER. Usually, the precognitive vision is immediately followed by the action, but not this time.

After I woke up, I continued on with my day, a little perplexed about the vision not coming to fruition inside my dream. I stopped at a local gas station for water and I noticed this couple in front of me arguing. I immediately recognized it as my precognitive dream. Stunned, I watched the events unfold just as they had in my dream. The argument, the faces, the clothes, the setting – it all matched my dream. At this point, without even realizing it, I intervened on the female’s behalf, just like I did in the dream. And just like the dream, my eyes felt on fire and when I finally regained my vision, I noticed the instigator down on the ground, knocked out and burns all over his body. Panicked, I ran out of the store and drove home, where I spent the next several hours in a dead stare, trying to make sense of what just happened.

10/22/14
The same thing happened again last night: I had a dream with a precognitive vision, but the vision never came true inside the dream. This time, I saw an elderly woman get her purse snatched, my eyes felt on fire, and when I regained my sight, the perpetrator was lying face down with his close burned and smoke coming off his body.

Later that day, THAT VERY THING HAPPENED! I saw the same elderly woman that was in my dream, the same mugger, the same street – everything. And I reacted the same way I did in the dream: taking him down by literally burning a hole through him. Again, I panicked and sought out a place to hide out.

11/1/14
I’ve been in hiding out since the most recent incident. I have nightmares every night. All of them come with a precognitive vision, but only a few of them have that vision come true within the dream. The more I try to deny this power I have, the more it intensifies.

11/8/14
After much soul searching, I have accepted the fact that I have been given a gift and that I now must use it for good. The last few nights saw some “beta tests” where I would see the precognitive vision within the dream and later that day I would act out what I saw in the vision in my real life. As long as I followed what I saw in my vision, I could not get hurt and this world would slowly become a better place; righting one wrong at a time.

11/10/14
I’ve gone to great lengths to harness my new powers and try to control them as best I can. I’ve learned to focus more in my precognitive dream and memorize every thing that happens. That way when I’m in the middle of dangerous situation, I can react with muscle memory without losing focus because of the adrenaline rush. With much practice, I have also learned how to control the intensity at which my foes get blasted with my eyesight. I can “shoot to kill” or “shoot to wound” depending on what the situation calls for and depending on what plan had been laid out in my precognitive dream.

11/12/14
I’ve been wondering what would happen if I didn’t follow what I saw in my visions, you know? What if I did something different or even did the complete opposite of what was in my precog dream? Well, today I tried it. In my dream, I saw someone getting bullied at a high school. This time, instead of zapping them with my sight, I attempted other means by which to diffuse the situation. The results weren’t so favorable. I guess the end goal of getting the bully’s attention off the victim succeeded, but by not following my precognitive vision, I ended up accidentally wounding some of the bystanders. For the time being, I will follow the plan set in the precog vision.

11/13/14
Last night, something strange happened. I had my precognitive vision like I always do, but this time I wasn’t in it. What I saw was a car running a red light and careening into another vehicle. I woke up without anything getting resolved.

What did it mean? Am I supposed to stop this event? Is this meant as a warning for me to stay away?

I proceeded on with my day with great caution. I was riding my bike when I came upon the intersection in my dream. I saw the light turn red and I saw a car coming up from behind me that was not slowing down. Reacting quickly, I focused my gaze at his tires, blowing two of them out, causing his car to barrel into a stop light. He got out of his car dazed, but appeared to be okay. Had I just changed the course of history? Have I altered their destinies? What implications would there be if I continued to play God?

11/21/14
I took another hiatus from trying to save the world as I pondered how to proceed with altering history. Every night, I had new visions, but I never left the house to act on them. Without my intervention, people got hurt, people felt sadness; they felt devastation, pain, and sorrow.

It was then that I realized that by not doing anything, I was altering the course of history. I was allowing bad things to happen as they always did before. But I have the power to change all of that. I can overcome evil with good. I can save people. I can help people. I can conquer evil.

11/22/14
I am back to fighting crime and quietly assisting others to avoid danger and personal injury. It feels so good to help others in need. The best part is that no one knows who is saving them. I vanish each scene before I am ever discovered. This is how I wish to remain: Anonymous.

11/23/14
I am realizing that I’m content with helping only one person a day. I only dream one dream a night and there’s only one person I save in each precognitive vision. The dreams only come to me when I sleep, so I felt that, for the sake of all humanity, I will quit my job and sleep multiple times during the day so that I can maximize the amount of precog dreams. I haven’t figured out how I am going to survive, but the greater good demands that I put others ahead of myself.

11/26/14
I have devoted myself to being a superhero full-time. I set my alarm for me to wake up after two hours of sleep. With the new vision fresh in my head, I go out and prevent the disaster from happening. When disaster is averted, I find some shelter to sleep so that the process can repeat.

12/1/14
The local media is starting to catch wind of me. They don’t know it’s me that is saving all of these people, but there is great speculation as to who is doing it and why. I must be careful to cover my tracks and stay hidden whenever possible.

12/2/14
National media has picked up the story of the superhero vigilante (that’s me, I guess!). The cops held a press conference condemning my work, saying that I am a threat to the public and that one of these days I’m going to seriously hurt someone. Well maybe if they did their fucking jobs, I wouldn’t have to do this all the time! But duty calls…

12/6/14
This lifestyle is really taking its toll. I have lost my job, my house, my money, and my girlfriend. I’ve fallen off the grid with my family, as not to put them in danger. With these setbacks, I feel more determined than ever that I have to continue fighting this fight.

12/9/14
I’m getting a little concerned. I haven’t had any precog visions the last two nights. I go to sleep and I’m completely blank. I wake up not remembering anything. Has evil been conquered? As much as I’d like to think so, I know this isn’t the case. Maybe a change of scenery will help the visions return. I plan to travel to another area and try my luck there. I’ll walk as far as I can all day tomorrow and see what happens there.

12/10/14
The visions returned to my dreams, but they’re a little foggier than before. It’s quite difficult to focus. Also, when I woke up, my nose was bleeding. Maybe that can be attributed to the place I now call “home”?

12/12/14
I have been continuing on my ways. I’m trying to see the visions clearly but I only get fragments. I have to try to be a hero with limited information. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. Every morning, I still wake up with nosebleeds. No job = no money = no insurance = no doctor. Whatever is going on, it’s going to have to wait.

12/15/14
I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!

I met someone today. I escaped a house after subduing some would-be thieves with my superpowers and as I was running away, someone stopped me. He said, “I know who you are and what you’re doing but you have to stop. Listen to me, John. Please.” AND THEN THE GUY TOOK OFF! I was so scared, I didn’t know what to say. The guy who said it looked very familiar. He looked a lot like me, but maybe 10 years older and with all gray hair.

Who was he? How did he find me? What did he mean?

12/16/14
Whoever that dude was, he really scared the shit out of me. Do I continue fighting crime or do I heed the stranger’s warning? I may be embarking on a dangerous path.

Whatever lies in my destiny ahead, I would still recommend Whiting Clinic for your LASIK needs.

About TV's John Hansen

I love power metal. I like writing and telling stories. I like trying to make people laugh. I like making myself laugh more. I like pizza too. I also like writing stories about making pizza laugh.
This entry was posted in Dreams, Funny Shit, I'm Just Sayin'... and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.